Kill Your Darlings

Is the Pen Truly Mightier Than the Sword?

Kill Your Darlingsâ�� by L.E. Harper is one of the most unique books I have ever read. In this book our protagonist is both the hero and the creator. Kyla Starblade is the main character in a bestselling young adult fantasy series and is named for the author herself. Where Kyla Starblade is a strong leader who is helping save her realm from an evil dragon lord, Kyla the author, feels like she is the complete opposite. She feels hopeless, devoid of motivation, and alone. The fictional Kyla, and the world of Solera, in fact, were created as a way for human Kyla to cope with debilitating mental illness and suicidal tendencies. Now, Kyla Starblade and Kyla-the-author appear to have merged â�" with human Kylaâ��s soul now inhabiting Kyla Starbladeâ��s body. At first a dream come true, human Kyla realizes quickly that meeting her characters face-to-face is dampened when she is suspected of being a spy, and she discovers that Kyla-the-author has devised terrible fates for all of them. Kyla will have to trade her pen for some armor and a trusty dragon to help her beloved characters change the outcome of the war she made up. If she can find the courage within herself to keep fighting, then maybe she can save them all, and Solera, with them.

ââ?¬Å"Kill Your Darlingsââ?¬Â? is both a riveting fantasy book that young adult and older readers would both enjoy, and a much-needed commentary on the debilitating effects of mental illness. Kylaââ?¬â?¢s journey inside Kyla Starbladeââ?¬â?¢s world seems to be a mirror for the human authorââ?¬â?¢s real and ongoing fight against her depression. Already having faced past incidents of self-harm, suicidal ideation and crippling anxiety, Kylaââ?¬â?¢s psychological foes come to life in the form of the enemies and struggles she faces in Solera. When faced with the knowledge that her characters do not trust her while in Kyla Starbladeââ?¬â?¢s body, she throws all caution to the wind and devises a new plan to save her new friends and prove that she is worthy of their trust. When faced with mortal danger, she buckles down and promises herself that she will do whatever it takes to help them defeat the evil dragon lord and stay alive.

ââ?¬Å"Kill Your Darlingsââ?¬Â? contains an important theme regarding control. In the beginning, human Kyla anticipates being able to snap herself out of what she believes is a lucid dream, until she realizes that she is very much in Solera and no amount of mental pinching, cajoling, or even magic will zap her back to her body until she fulfills some mysterious purpose. Then, she discovers that though she knows everything about this world, and should know the entire script of the war, things are happening that are not how she wrote them. Her anticipation is hindered by scenes not unfolding in the same way as they do in human Kylaââ?¬â?¢s books, and this loss of control results in potential mortal peril should she not be able to pose convincingly as Kyla Starblade and find a way to save Solera as well as a way back to Earth (despite how much she would rather never, ever return to Earth).

Control is a precarious balance when you have mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression. In ââ?¬Å"Kill Your Darlingsââ?¬Â? this loss of control is literally re-imagined as an actual life-or-death magical battle against an evil force. The trick is that the true evil force is actually oneââ?¬â?¢s own mind.

As someone who used to struggle a lot with depression, anxiety, body dysmorphia, self-harm and suicidal ideation in my teen and young adult years, I really wish this book had been an option for me to pluck off my bookshelf. Reading a book like ââ?¬Å"Kill Your Darlingsââ?¬Â? even years later, while in a better place than I have ever been, is a gentle, healthy reminder that I will often find myself in situations where I feel like I have no control. I will have days when I do not want to get out of bed. I will have days when I wonder if perhaps all my efforts will really amount to anything. However, having reminders like this in literature I read can be the best kind of medicine, when we are shown that even the strongest, most seemingly fearless heroes and heroines lose control too.

ââ?¬Å"Kill Your Darlingsââ?¬Â? will resonate powerfully with anyone going through similar struggles within their own minds.