hyped
The situations used to construct this mystery are hyped. Competing organizations to return the monarchy to Hawaiians, when there are no more Hawaiians left in Hawaii? Japanese Yakuza figures pulling the strings? Inflated situations and characters don't hold one's interest, one knows that the author is toying with us. More believable would be the toll of stress on Kimo, and more character building for Kimo and Mike, making them seem like real people rather than players in outrageous situations (there's even a throwaway one-line buzz-saw murder!). These guys should be suffering post-traumatic stress syndrome after being exposed to so much violence (police in real situations so experience thiis). Kimo and Mike yell at each other then cool down, but their relationship doesn't really seem to grow (adding a dog isn't building a relationship). Write about humans, Neil. Ultimately, the feelings of human are what hold our interest in a work of fiction.
